Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
