i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This is the high leading the old right now
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
