he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
