new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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