I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we're making bets on your personal life
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
