saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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