Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
