he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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