i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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