There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
