My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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