Do you still have your period?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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