he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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