I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
