she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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