so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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