Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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