Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
