it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
