is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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