like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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