Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's not a walk of shame if you run
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
