theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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