How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
