sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
