i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Randomize