New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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