I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
