During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
