You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
