the condom got lost in my hair
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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