3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
