YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
