So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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