I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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