____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish I only lived at night.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
