is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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