In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize