You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
