if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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