you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
