i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
