We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
