"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
