i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
