I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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