YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
