My boss' voice literally gives me gas
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
