I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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