I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize