At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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