Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
