i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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