I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
