Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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