last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
