Your tits are I can't wait for
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
