I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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