then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm like, not good at living.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
