There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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