she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
