Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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