Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
a search helicopter?!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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