do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
