I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I have vodka in my lungs
ttyl tear gas
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
did i just pee glitter
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
