so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
