is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
