my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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