how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
