Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
