They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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