Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
