Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
