Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
