You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
