If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
