You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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