You just made me feel so damn special
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
