I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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