dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize