I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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