'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
