you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
