Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
we're so committed to being not committed
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
