Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
