i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
