he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
