I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
