I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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