I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
