She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
