I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
