For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
