he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
