I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
