My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
