I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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