He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
